I was watching Elijah the other Sunday in nursery and I noticed something that I just had to blog about. . . . . how much our relationship with our children is like God's relationship with us.

I sat there on that Sunday morning just watching him, and let me make you well aware he is into everything now days.  He loves to explore and see new things and try to climb, walk, jump, roll on anything.  He has NO FEAR!  This is such a fun age with him wanting and having the desire to learn so much so fast.  As I sat there watching him completely smitten might I add by how simply precious he is, I watched as he toddled along the bookshelf that holds all of our toys in the nursery.  I felt so much love for him and wanted to treasure the few moments we had in the quiet simpleness of just me and him playing in the church nursery.  I also noticed how much I had the desire for him to learn to walk and figure out all of the potential he had.  He truly has no idea right now what all he can actually accomplish.  I also noticed as he swayed and stumbled and even fell a few times that I just cringed every single time.  When he gets hurt I cry with him, it hurts me just as much as it hurts him.  But I continue to help him up sweep off the dirt, kiss the boo-boos and encourage him to try again, knowing he will fall again and again before he finally gets it mastered.  Just as well, when he would take a step or two by himself I would celebrate with him while he clapped his little hands.

Don't you think that God feels this EXACT same way for us??  He looks at us with such love and sees such unused or unreached potential for what we could do with our lives.  He loves the alone time that we share with him in those quiet still moments that we call out His name.  He sees us start to learn and try new things knowing good and well that we might get hurt during this learning process.  He watches with excitement as we take a step or two alone and then cringes when he sees us heading down.  He then rushes over as we are crying because we are hurt, depressed, or alone and wipes our tears, brushes off the dirt from our knees, and encourages us to get back up and try again, knowing good and well we probably will fall over and over before we finally get it right.  But he admires our stubborness and willingness to try again.  And as we begin to finally get it right he celebrates with us in our victories however big or small they may be!

I just couldn't help but think about how much my heart swelled with love as I looked at him and to think that is exactly how my Heavenly Father looks at you and me and no matter how many times I fall and don't get it right He still adores me and is always there running towards me to rub off my knees, wipe my tears, and say "let's give it one more try".  God is so amazing and His love for us is boundless.

Well, it's official our little Hudson clan is expanding by two sweet little feet!! 

It almost feels surreal typing the above sentence.  Around February 2010 when my James relapsed with his Leukemia I came to peace with never having children of my own.  I stopped praying about it, stopped even thinking about it.  The ONLY thing I thought of and the ONLY thing I prayed for was for James to be cancer free and be able to live a normal life.  That was my only true desire, the rest didn't matter because without him . . . . there was no family.  Fast forward to November 5, 2010 I laid to rest my dream and desire of growing old with James and sharing our life together.  It was. . . . . over, all over.  This was a reality that I did not want and trust me I let God know about it on a constant basis.  As my heart was broken into a million pieces, God just wrapped His loving arms of understanding and peace around me and just said "I'm here & I love you".  

Fast forward to Black Friday 2012, me & Keith staring at the pregnancy test in complete and utter disbelief.  We couldn't say hardly anything and a flood of emotions came for both of us.  You could tell that for both of us it was a realization of a dream we never thought would happen.  While shedding tears we prayed for this little life growing and developing in my tummy.  We knew a lot of tears were shed & hearts were broken and finally dreams were renewed for this little precious life to be here.  This life, this little person that is part of Keith and part of myself.  Mylanta, what did we have to go through to get here???? I often think that James & Anna escorted our little one into our lives and that precious little one has already got two very special guardian angels watching over it.  I mean you can't beat having a Doctor and a Cop watching over your little one. :) We prayed that God would use this little life to touch many more lives than this Mommy and Daddy ever could.  That he or she would love God and serve Him and others with all they had!  We prayed for guidance, because you know that the two of us are completely lost in this world of babies/children! 

As we stood there still staring at the pregnancy test still waiting for the result to change, just in case we had gotten hasty with our excitement, I couldn't help but thank God for this Godly man standing beside me who had shed tears with me, laughed with me and at me (we won't talk about those moments;)), and now the man who is the Father of my child.  I stand amazed daily at God and all His miraculous ways and as I heard that little heartbeat for the first time on December 21st I couldn't help but know that this little life was part of His plan once more.  Part of the plan that is always better than my own and part of the plan that I don't always understand but know that it is best for me to follow even when it hurts at times. 

So now, we have this little life to look forward to sharing in come around 07-30-13.  We can not wait to hold this little one and share all these wonderful and crazy times together. . . . . for you know this little one already has our hearts. <3

What Do I Know of Holy

I recently heard the song "What do I know of Holy" by Addison Road, above is the video for the song.  It is a beautiful song that well. . . . really made me think of that very question and some of the questions that were inside the lyrics. 

What do I really know of Holy?  If you touched my face would I know You? Looked into my eyes could I behold You? What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame? Are you fire? Are you fury? Are you sacred? Are you beautiful? What do I know of this love?

As I sat in the car singing along with the lyrics, I really gave some thought of the questions that were coming out of my own mouth, it made me . . . . examine my own heart.  What do I really know of Holy, of this love that I have for God and He for me?  So, today I'm going to tell you what's on my heart of what I know and I prayerfully ask for you to do the same with yourself, so here goes.

What do I know of Holy?  I know that I serve a God that loves me beyond measure and blesses me beyond my dreams.  I know that even on days when I feel like God has taken a bathroom break, He really hasn't.  He probably is waiting for me to shut my mouth so He can tell me what I really NEED to do and not what I'm WANTING to do.  I know that I'm in love with a God who loves all, every race, every nationality, every make, kind, and model and truly desires to have a deep and intimate relationship with each one of them.  You know those children that adore you so much that they just crave your attention, no matter what they have to do to get it they want it that bad. . . . . . He has that same desire for attention from you and time WITH you.  I know that I serve a God who wonders the hallways of hospitals, rest homes, even prisons hoping for a chance to have an encounter with one of His children.  He's not always there to heal or have this miraculous moment with you, sometimes He's JUST THERE, with you, in some of those darkest moments, no words, just His presence just to say I love you and I know this hurts but I'll never leave you. I know that I serve a forgiving and merciful God who knows what my past looks like and loves me just the same.  No matter how long we have strayed away He is always there to welcome us back home and loves us more than we can ever know.  He is fire, He is fury, He is sacred and beautiful, He is all of this plus a healer and provider, the beginning and the end, He is EVERYTHING that we can ever even imagine that we could need. 

And to be honest with all of this said He should be our one and ONLY desire, everyday all day.  Don't take me wrong I am writing this for myself more than anyone else out there that may read this.  God should be what is the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last before I close my eyes at night.  I should constantly be thinking of ways to love and serve others in ways to glorify Him completely. 

So with this little bit of "What I know of Holy" I pray today, Lord, that You can use me, mold me, and make me into what You need me to be.  Help me to be patient with You when I want to know the next step and it's not quite Your time yet.  Give me discernment to know what is from You and what is from myself.  Help me to find these ways to bless others and be a true and honest reflection of You. . . .

What do you know of Holy?

Happy Monday everyone!

Thankful

I will start out this new year of 2013 with one word and one word alone. . . . THANKFUL!  I am so thankful for all the many blessings that 2012 has brought along this crazy ride.  It has been a very eventful year this past year, filled with days of joy and of course some days of sorrow but overall it has been a wonderful year!

My heart is so full of appreciation and humbleness that God would grant me with a second chance at life again.  In 2010 I had come to peace with spending the rest of my life alone and never hearing the words "that is my wife" again or never saying "yes, this is my husband" again.  And for sure had given up the dream of a family and children of my own.  I knew God had a plan and I had prayed about it and I knew God knew the desires of my heart and if He felt like this journey was to be walked alone I was okay with that.  In fact the week before I met Keith I had the "talk" with my parents about them accepting that I may never find someone and that they needed to come to peace with it as I had.  Just like normal, God had a different plan, one that was beyond all my expectations and hopes!  I got to marry a wonderful man this past year that loves the Lord with all his heart and loves me with everything he is.  He has walked the very same journey that I have, having the love of his life ripped away and realizing that all plans, hopes, and dreams for his future now may never be realized.  Would the hurt ever really go away?  No, really it hasn't for either of us but having someone to share it with has lightened the load.  Honestly, on our first date, it was unlike any date I had ever been on.  We talked about James & Anna almost the whole entire time and both of us were just amazed at how similar our journeys were.  We both commented on how it was really nice to talk to someone who knew exactly what you were talking about when you talked about IV lines, different forms of chemo, remission, relapse,  getting counts checked and all the other "cancer" lingo. 

Needless to say I fell head over heels for this man and he has been literally my lifesaver on so many different occasions!!  He is always there to pick me up when I am sad or having a bad day with that sweet smile and the arms that I love coming home to that hold me when I'm happy or sad.  The arms that I know will always have my best interest at heart and would protect me until the end.  I honestly lay there sometimes at night and watch him breath so easily, with no machines attached and put my ear to his chest to hear that wondeful thump thump, thump thump, of that heart that I hold so dear and precious to my own heart and I can't help but be . . . . so very thankful for him, his life, that precious life that we all take for granted so often. I am so thankful for this love that we share, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow and it is so important to not take one moment for granted. 

I am so thankful for family, friends, and co-workers who never cease to amaze me with their love and support!! My life, our lives, would not be the same without these wonderful jewels of light shining everyday.  They are each precious souls to us! 

I know that we each face different battles everyday and each day is not going to be a walk in the park but when you start feeling overwhelmed and down just start counting your blessings and I'm sure that you will end up just like I have today. . . . . thankful!

So here's to Second Chance Blessings in 2013!! :)